You'll Get a No-Show | Nathan Hangen

30 Jan 2010

zen This is normally when I do a Saturday Project Update, but today marks the start of some changes in my life and changes in my blog.

Unfortunately, I’m not ready to tell you about them yet, so instead I’m going to give you a peek of where my mind is at. The only thing I can tell you now, is that I’m building something…

If you didn’t know…I’m in the military, and I’ve only got 6 months left before I become a full-time entrepreneur.

Well, even though I love serving my country, I’m not much of a rules and regulations type of guy. In fact, I usually do the opposite of what someone tells me to just because they told me not to do it.

The Purpose of Rules

One of the things about the military that most people don’t know about is that there are a lot of weird rules. One of them is that if you schedule and miss an appointment with a doc, then you can’t miss it. If you do, it’s a no-show.

Kind of typical I guess, but funny because this “no-show” is supposed to be a big deal, but no one really cares. Stuff comes up and sometimes you just can’t make it.

Well, today I had an appointment and I had to cancel it. I called in advance, but the lady on the other end of the line was adamant that I’d go down as a no-show.

I said that’s OK, but she had to say it 3 more times just to make sure that I knew I was a no-show. I said again, “that’s fine, let’s just re-schedule,” so we did.

End of story…

But I couldn’t let it go. It ate at me until I couldn’t help but to write about it because it reminded me of the millions of people bound by rules that don’t make sense.

Almost everyone I know is afraid of rules. “You can’t do that!” they say, but when I ask why they say they don’t know…”those are the rules.”

It is pathetic…I’m sorry, but it’s true.

Rules are an excuse for failure.

Granted, some rules are important, but for the most part, we live in a world of rules that don’t make sense.

“You can’t quit your job” is a rule.

“You can’t say that” is a rule.

“Go to school and get good grades” is a rule.

“You need good health insurance” is a rule.

You get the point…

Rules are a set of boundaries made to keep people in a position to conform and to stop asking questions. Rules are used as a method of social legislation.

But you don’t need rules. You are different. You have more important things to do and you can’t afford to let people get in the way.

They want you to follow the rules so they don’t feel bad for following them. If you break the rules then they have to find another way to rationalize their misery.

You are Unique

But that’s not your problem. You have a duty to the world, and that duty is to take the road less traveled…to go the other way and leave a trail.

Leaders don’t follow rules because they make them. Make your own rules and follow your own path…it’s yours, and I’m counting on you to find it so that you can show me how you did.

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Rich Lazzara

"Rules are an excuse for failure" great line and so true. People are bound by rules and if you think the military is bad you should see what most businesses are like. Thanks for the good post.

Mike CJ

I think you're right. And I share your disdain for rules that are there for the sake of being there.

One of the things I love about Spain is that we've only been a democracy for 35 years, and the whole "system" here is ridden with ridiculous rules and processes. People don't ignore the rules, but they find amazing ways to circumvent them. Usually just staying on the right side of the law. It's almost a national obsession.

There's only one proviso I'd add to your post. Not everyone wants to be a leader. And for some people to be leaders, there have to be followers as well.

Nathan Hangen

You're right about that. That's something I tend to forget.

My take on that I suppose is that if you're not born to lead, then find a great leader and offer them your support. Not everyone can be a general, but every general needs a right hand man/woman and soldiers to march with.

Kevin Tea

I think there is a difference between "living by the rules" and paying lip service to them when it makes sense. I have never "lived" by rules but there have been occasions when in what I consider to be social best interest then I am happy to oblige. For example, I'd never crap in the street but if a restaurant doesn't want to let me in without a tie then screw 'em!

Some people may argue that this approach is arrogant/self centred/sociopathic but in many years of experience it is the people who live by the rules because they do not have the wit, common sense or intelligence to question them are more often likely to abuse the "system" for their own benefit.

Debbie Ferm

I would just like to play the devil's advocate. I own a house, and I have rules in that house. Anyone who sets foot in the door had better take off their shoes, not dare smoke, and pick up after themselves or they can get the hell out.

Businesses can have rules, like, if you have an appt. and you cancel within 24 hours, we bill you anyway.

It isn't so much about breaking rules as it is making choices. You weigh the two things and make a choice. It doesn't have to be so much about rebellion.

I've heard so many people railing against the establishment, I feel like it's the 60's again. I happen to know plenty of people in stable, conventional lifestyles who are very happy with their choices.

I also know people doing unconventional things. Most of my people are in their forties, and are sort of over the point of caring what anyone else chooses to do with their life. Live and let live.

Last year I decided teaching wasn't doing it for me anymore because of the endless paperwork of special education, so I just quit. Period. Nobody thought I was crazy or even questioned me about it, and I wouldn't have cared if they did. I don't feel animosity toward them because they are still teaching. I respect them for having found something that works for them and their family.

I don't intend to run myself ragged for anything. That is my accomplishment, frankly. Sometimes being unremarkable feels remarkable.

I may feel differently someday, and that's fine. I know how things can change. I've lived it many times. Sometimes by choice, many times not.

All of the twenty somethings that are running around the internet proclaiming that they have found the answers are the ones that make me laugh. It was the same way when I was that age. They would be so pissed if they knew how typical they were in considering themselves "different".

And that is my soapbox for tonight. Not so much disagreeing as presenting another viewpoint.

Good thinking stuff, though!

Debbie

Nathan Hangen

Well, just so we're clear...I'm 31, so I've gone through that initial rebellion and back out the other side. This isn't rebellion, and the rules you mention are a different sort. The rules I'm talking about are the same ones that Seth Godin talks about in Linchpin...the rules that used to work but don't anymore.

You can't rely on a job just because you have a college degree. Even a Masters isn't always good enough.

I have family members losing wages and jobs left and right, and they don't know what to do. They've been bred to think that if they follow the rules, then they'll be taken care of...it's not the case anymore.

Being marked down as a no-show scares some people, but I think that's ridiculous.

Debbie Ferm

I wasn't referring to you when I referred to the twenty somethings, and I guess I wasn't even talking to you in my comment, more like replying to the conversation, and others I've seen.. You've obviously done plenty that gives you life perspective. I was speaking generally, as in "Why do people...." sort of thinking of the population as a whole.

I haven't read Seth's latest book, but based on other things he's written, I can infer that what you are saying is, just because things have always been done that way, doesn't mean they always have to be, and in fact, shouldn't be.

I get what you are saying about your relatives. It's tough. But I think people taught them those things because it was the best they knew at the time. They are "unwritten" rules and they are even harder to overcome.

I don't want to give the impression that I was talking AT you. I was merely....reflecting about some things I've observed lately, and just got involved in my response.

Sign of a good blog post I'd say.

Nathan Hangen

Debbie,

Even if you were talking at me, I appreciate your viewpoint. I hope I didn't sound too harsh in my reply...I just love debate :)

Thanks for sharing what you've been thinking...I'm humbled that you brought it here.

You're exactly right about Seth, and although his book shines a light on the situation, it's something that has been bugging me for quite some time. Still, you've brought balance to it.

Don't worry, I don't smoke and I have no problem taking my shoes off ;)

Dave Doolin

I was bred that way: get a good education, you will have a wide range of options.

The options are still there, but you have to make those options for yourself.

Nathan Hangen

Exactly...they don't fall off of a tree.

carsonsl

Hey Nathan,

Glad to hear you're getting out of service. I went in for college funding and stayed 20 years mainly in Hospitals because of my specialty. I never fit in either because of the same reason. If someone (SGM) said no, I'd ask someone else. In the service it depends on who's sitting in the gatekeeper seat at the time. People in the service were often mad at me for bypassing the rules. Rules are for the immature, I told them and did what I thought was right.

There are gatekeepers everywhere in life. I like the gatejumpers C. Brogan and J. Smith talked about in Trust Agents. From the analogy, I like to think of entrepreneurs as gatejumpers. Feel frogish Nathan? Jump!

Scott

Nathan Hangen

I love that part of the book, and although I've talked about gatekeepers in the past, their analogy of gatejumpers is damn cool.

I'm always willing to jump :)

Gordie

The only rule that is universal is the golden rule: "Do to others as you'd have them do to you."

Nathan Hangen

Or as my Easter Philosophy prof in College said..."Do not do unto others as you would have them no do unto you."

TheInfoPreneur

Brother I hear you man,

When I was in, it was the end of the world if you had a double crease or something equally as bone.

As you know I do things my own way, sometimes I get it wrong, sometimes I get it really wrong, but the times I get it right, it's all down to me.

Keep your head down in Afghan brother, I did ten years and not been out long

tobias tinker

Personally I love rules because it generally shows me fairly clearly what I DON'T want to be doing - if only because that's what most people WILL be doing. We used to travel with Lonely Planet guidebooks - which are pretty good guidebooks, mind you, but we travelled with one because then we would know what every other traveller was going to be doing, where they would be staying and eating and so on, and then we could go somewhere else and have a somewhat more authentic, less-touristy experience. I use rules the same way.

Nice post by the way, I'm eager to see what you have up your sleeve - got a few interesting irons in the fire myself!...

Nathan Hangen

Great point...I always had a saying I used that went something like: "If everyone else is normal, then it's better to be crazy." I try to live like that :)

Dave Doolin

Strangely, I didn't have so much trouble in the USMC because the rules more or less plainly visible at the low end, for enlisted. Not too much "unstated."

Also, the USMC doesn't really care what you think. What you think is your business. They care that you do what you're supposed to do.

On the other hand, the "Berkeley" mentality is the polar opposite. Nobody in Berkeley really much care *what* you do... as long as you think the right way. That is, you think as they do.

The irony is that the Berkeley spirit (for lack of a better word), 90% democrat, bellows it's "tolerance" for "free speech" while using the time-honered technique of shouting down opponents.

If you want a real debate on any issue of the day, go to Iowa or Tennessee or Indiana where voters are often split 47/53, and not always on party lines.

Following up on recent threads... I have now _most definitely_ overshared, and rendered myself unemployable, at least in Berkeley.

Nathan Hangen

I'm not saying that I have trouble understanding the rules, but more that the rules don't scare me as much as they do some. For instance, the threat of being listed as a no show was supposed to scare me, but that's ridiculous. There are much more important things to worry about than no shows.

Fiona Verschoor

Being a student at university, rules are rampant. Get good grades, do your homework, don't get in trouble, graduate university and get a good, professional job. I've been 'selectively ignoring' rules ever since I was in high school, and I've already been able to accomplish more than I ever thought I would.

Some rules are good (I'll probably be making a career enforcing these rules as a police officer), but some seem like they are just to keep you on the same level as everyone else. Good for underachievers and the majority of the world, but if you want to truly accomplish something, sometimes those rules just need to be ignored.

Great post. :)

Nathan Hangen

Yep, some rules are a must, but as Seth Godin says...most of them are used to keep everyone in line in order to maintain the status quo.

Kelly Diels

Dave Doolin tweeted two things to me yesterday that I'm totally (but not completely) taking out of context, but contain the exact truth about which rules are necessary in life:

"Kindergarten rules. Be nice. Play safe."
"Ah... kindergarten rules apply to *everybody*"

Nathan Hangen

I'd say be nice, but forget playing safe :)

Dave Doolin

We'll see you at Burning Man Metropolis 2010, darlin'.

remarkablogger

Nobody got to be number one by following the rules. Only by ignoring them (it's not even an issue of "breaking" them, because that implies you know you're doing something "wrong") and living by your own values and priorities.

I'm with you man.

Nathan Hangen

Exactly Michael. You become #1 by becoming bigger than the rules.

remarkablogger

Ooh... "bigger than the rules." I like that. :-)

Srinivas Rao

Great points Nathan. I once said somewhere that lousy employees sometimes make the best entrepreneurs. Rule have a large part to do with that. I think by nature those of us who are leaders or aspiring leaders have issues with authority. Rules were meant to be broke and those who break the rules usually are the ones who get really far.

Nathan Hangen

I never was a good employee...I've had so many jobs that it's embarrassing. But, that's what solidified my need to become an entrepreneur. Since then, I've never looked back. Boy, would I hate to hire someone like me! lol

Henri J

Excellent post and so true. I've had more and more people ask me how I do what I do and when I tell them they come up with rules and excuses. There comes a time in everybody's life when you have to decide whether or not you want to live the life you've always wanted to live.

Nathan Hangen

Makes you angry after a while, because people want to move up without having to break the rules. Sorry, but sometimes you have to get your hands dirty.